“Connection”

‘Connection’ is a popular word amongst equestrians.
Who doesn’t want a connection with their horse? An effortless, authentic and beautiful ‘partnership’.
I have to ask though…

Is it a ‘connection’ if the horse has no other choice?

One of my favorite sayings from Lockie Philips is “horses are the gateway drug to personal development”. Once you get comfortable with asking yourself hard questions, even more will start to come.
Sometimes the answer to those questions can be rather triggering and sometimes it hurts.

Can we find connection without force?
Can we find connection without persuasion?
Is the horse is seeking connection with us because they simply have nothing else enriching them?
Are they alone? Are they stalled? Do they have friends to explore with? Do they have forage to eat?
Or… do they have nothing better to do..?

Connection is what enables any relationship, friendship or partnership to develop but there are many levels of connection. Connection can be momentary, temporary, oscillating, long-lasting, effortless or even catastrophic. Connection can exist on a surface level, cordial one, mutually beneficial, or unconditional.

What kind of connection do you wish to establish with your horse?

Humans aren’t typically interested in maintaining relationships that feel one-sided, forced, or manipulated… should we expect our horses to be any different?

An authentic connection with a horse happens when they have autonomy over whether they would like to explore and participate in the partnership.

An authentic partnership should include supporting them unconditionally which often times means setting aside our wants and needs.

Boundaries go both ways.

Boundaries.
Another buzzword in the equestrian & personal development communities.
Boundaries are necessary in any relationship including the one you have with yourself.

Equestrians love to talk about setting boundaries with horses.
Equestrians love to set boundaries with horses.
Sometimes, a little too much.

Humans also have no problem disregarding horses desired boundaries.
We often relabel horses attempts to communicate as them “acting out”, “being lazy”, or whatever else.
We often disregard a horses experience.

But when the horse obediently follows suit…

We assume it’s because “we have a connection” with them.
We assume it’s because “they love us”.
We assume it’s because “they love their job”.

Undertones

‘Willingness’ and ‘submission’ can look nearly identical.

Have you ever met, or been in a relationship, with someone who does all the talking?
Who makes all the choices? Who, essentially, ignores you? Sometimes it’s just easier to let someone else do all the talking, call the shots, and ‘go with the flow’.

Not having a voice, or a choice, is the reality for most horses.
When this is all they have ever known, they may not be very willing to share their true thoughts with others.
There may be whispers but those usually go unnoticed.

Listen to the undertones, and take note of those teeny tiny things the horse is constantly trying to tell you.